


A Question of Timing

by kurtcountertenor



Category: Glee
Genre: Cheating, M/M, Rating: NC17, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-30
Updated: 2012-12-30
Packaged: 2017-11-22 22:24:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/615019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurtcountertenor/pseuds/kurtcountertenor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt wanted to tell Blaine about his new boyfriend in person. He never expected that the conversation would bring him back into Blaine’s bed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Question of Timing

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to JudeAraya, my wonderful beta, for her excellent comments and suggestions.
> 
> Spoiler Warning: Spoilers for the name and role of a character who has been cast in Kurt’s storyline for 4x11. Everything that happens between Kurt, Blaine, and the other character in this story is entirely my imagination, not based on spoilers.

Kurt had wanted to tell Blaine in private, but they couldn’t find a time to meet before the wedding. Kurt flew in late the night before, and Blaine had a lunch thing with his mother and then had to rehearse for the New Directions numbers they were singing at the reception, so they didn’t manage to see each other until Kurt arrived for Will and Emma’s wedding ceremony.

Blaine was standing in the lobby of the hotel, helping to direct guests to the correct room. Kurt saw him through the glass doors before he even walked in. He looked lovely, dressed in a navy suit that reminded Kurt just the slightest bit of the Dalton blazers. Kurt couldn’t help but smile. He walked through the doors and watched Blaine’s face light up when he saw him.

“Kurt!” Blaine said eagerly, his face breaking into a huge smile.

“Blaine!” Kurt wrapped him up in a big hug. Because they could do that now. They were friends. Except that Blaine’s arms around him still made Kurt’s heartbeat speed up, still made his eyes flutter shut with pleasure that was the slightest bit too exciting to be called comfortable. He rested his chin on Blaine’s shoulder and breathed in the scent of his skin and his aftershave and his hair gel, exactly as he remembered, perfect and warm and … Kurt found himself curling his fingers in Blaine’s back, clutching his jacket. He felt Blaine relax, sighing with relief into his ear, and Kurt knew he had to tell him right away, had to let go and pull back from this hug that was already more intense than it should be.

He couldn’t bring himself to let go all the way, it was too hard. Instead, he stepped back and let his hands slide down Blaine’s arms until they were holding both hands, letting them swing slightly between them, a happy smile on Blaine’s face and a sad smile on Kurt’s.

“Blaine … I’m seeing someone.” There. He’d said it.

Blaine’s face crumpled in slow motion. Shock in his eyes first, and then a blink and it was replaced with a deep sadness. He dropped Kurt’s hands right away. His smile disappeared and his eyebrows went flat—Kurt had never understood how Blaine’s eyebrows could change shape, but they did. Tears seeped into the corners of his eyes but he blinked them back, then swallowed hard and plastered on a fake smile. “Okay,” he said, nodding slowly as if he were trying to convince himself.

“Blaine, it’s—”

“You don’t have to explain. You have every right.”

“I just—”

“I have to go make sure the microphones are set up,” Blaine said. He turned and fled out of the room before Kurt could say another word.

Kurt had known that the news would hurt Blaine. He hadn’t realized, though, that he himself would hurt so much at seeing Blaine’s pain. Suddenly, all he wanted was to make Blaine happy again. To see him smile, no matter what Kurt had to do to make that happen. To heal both of their hearts. But he didn’t know how.

\----------------------------------------

The ceremony was a standard-issue modern-classic wedding, with a minister and a couple of Bible readings and a poem, and then an exchange of ordinary vows and a sweet little kiss. Kurt was happy that Mr. Schue and Miss Pillsbury—he didn’t actually know if she’d be changing her name—were finally together for good after so many ups and downs. They’d both dated other people. Heck, they’d both been _married_ to other people, but through it all, they’d really only wanted each other.

Kurt was sitting between Rachel and Mercedes, and he had a good view of Blaine a few rows in front of him. He was seated next to Sam, who was holding hands with Brittany. Kurt’s eyes kept returning to Blaine throughout the ceremony, but of course all he saw was the back of his head. Blaine was too polite to turn around, but Kurt wondered if he wanted to. Whether he was thinking of how Mr. Schue must have felt when Miss Pillsbury was dating that dentist guy. Whether he was thinking of Kurt.

\----------------------------------------

Mr. Schue performed a rap, complete with dancing, about his eternal love for Miss Pillsbury, and they all applauded and tried not to laugh. The New Directions songs were much better, and Blaine’s solo was particularly touching. They left the stage, and a hired band took over for the rest of the evening’s entertainment, playing new pop hits and old party standards, since the glee club members all wanted a chance to celebrate and dance.

All Kurt wanted to do was watch Blaine, but he wouldn’t let himself dwell on it. He danced with Rachel and with Mercedes, and in a group with Finn and Puck and Sam, and then with Brittany, and with that new girl, what was her name—Martie? Marcy?—who seemed like a sweetheart but didn’t make much of an impression on him.

When he finally stopped to catch his breath, he saw Blaine sitting at a table alone, watching the dance floor glumly, sipping a glass of soda. Kurt wanted to go to him, wanted to talk to him, wanted to make him feel better somehow, but he had no idea what he could say. I miss you? I’m sorry I’m dating someone else? He doesn’t make me feel the way you do? It’s only meant to be for a little while? All of it sounded horrid in his mind.

A song ended and the opening notes of _Dancing Queen_ floated through the room. And suddenly Kurt knew exactly what to say.

“Excuse me. May I have this dance?”

Blaine looked up at him, his eyes still so full of love. “Yes. Yes you may. Always.”

They moved to the dance floor hand in hand and put their arms around each other with only the slightest awkwardness. They still fit together just the way they always had. “You look beautiful tonight,” Blaine said after a moment. “I wanted to tell you when you first walked in, but … anyway, you look fantastic. Really.”

Kurt smiled. “You too. I always liked you in navy.” The slight flirtatiousness lightened the mood and they spun around the dance floor together, comfortable and almost happy now. The next song was slow, and Blaine froze for the opening notes, unsure what to do. Kurt pulled him close. “Is this okay?” he asked.

“So okay,” Blaine breathed, sliding his arms around Kurt’s neck.

Kurt closed his eyes, reveling in the feel of Blaine’s body so close to his. He wanted it even closer. He cursed the layers of fabric between them, the thick suit jackets. He missed the touch of Blaine’s hands against him so badly, missed the feeling of their bodies pressed together skin to skin, with nothing at all in the way. Why couldn’t he have that now? Kurt asked himself. What was stopping him? Just Adam, who he knew would never make him feel anything like this. And here was Blaine right in his grasp, making Kurt’s whole body tingle with memories and love and … desire. That was definitely desire, Kurt admitted to himself. He tilted his head the slightest bit and set his lips lightly against Blaine’s neck, almost a kiss, not quite. Blaine’s sharp intake of breath through his teeth made Kurt shiver in his arms.

And then it was back to fast songs, danceable and for singing along with—this was a party, after all. Blaine made as if to leave the dance floor, but Kurt grabbed him by the wrist. “Stay? Please? Just … let’s have fun together, okay?”

Blaine smiled, but his eyes were still sad. “Okay,” he said, his voice catching the slightest bit.

Adam had introduced Kurt to the New York gay club scene, and Kurt had been both shocked and intrigued by the dance moves on display there. This was not the time and place for that kind of thing, but if Kurt’s dancing was a touch sexier, more and more daring as the night went on, that was the source of it. Blaine laughed and blushed at first, and then tried it himself, and, as the night wore on, smiled with real warmth and enjoyment.

Another slow song came on, _finally_ , and Kurt nearly threw himself around Blaine, collapsing on him, exhausted from so much dancing. But Blaine stiffened and drew away, and Kurt had a fleeting moment to realize why, the brush of Blaine’s erection against Kurt’s hip.

“I’m just going to go sit down for a while and rest,” Blaine said, looking at his feet.

“Blaine … wait … we should talk …” Blaine made no objection, but he didn’t agree, either. Kurt followed him to a table and took the chair beside him, and they sat silently, not quite looking at each other.

Mr. Schue came by briefly and thanked them for being there. Rachel came up and made some jokes about how they’d been dancing, and they both blushed and looked at her awkwardly until she said something about Finn and walked away. Then Mike came over, and Brittany came to join him, and it seemed like an eternity before the two of them took their chatter back to the dance floor.

Finally alone again, Blaine was about to say something when Puck walked up with two glasses of punch. “I managed to spike the punch bowl! Brought some for my bros before they find it and take it away. Enjoy!” He handed them each a cup and walked off.

Kurt looked at the cup in his hand. It wouldn’t be enough to get him drunk. He’d learned since moving to New York that he could have a drink or two with no trouble. But it could provide an easy excuse, a rationalization, something to blame it on in the morning.

Kurt paused. It was that thought, the idea of an excuse for his actions, that made him realize he’d already decided what he was going to do. He’d decided sane and sober and deliberately. He wanted Blaine. Wanted him now, tonight, because tomorrow he would be back in New York and there wouldn’t be another chance for a long time. And he was going to give in to that desire. He was not going to step back and push it away, even though he probably should. He wanted it, and he was going to take it, as long as Blaine was on board. He could make Blaine happy, even if it was just for a little while, and make himself happy, too.

Now he just had to figure out how to make it happen. Kurt’s mind raced, trying out potential plans. His house was out of the question, with his dad and Carole there, and Finn would also be heading back to the house after the wedding was over. Maybe Blaine’s house was empty, as it often was. How could he find out? How could he get Blaine to invite him there? What if it wasn’t empty? How much would a room at this hotel cost? Could he afford it, after spending so much on the plane ticket to get here?

“We’re never going to get a chance to talk, with all our friends here,” Blaine said, snapping Kurt out of his thoughts. “If you actually want to talk … if you weren’t just saying that … we could, um, my parents booked me a room here. They were afraid I would drink too much to drive home, even though I told them I wouldn’t. We could go there to talk. I mean, if it’s not too weird. If you’re not comfortable with that we could go sit in the lobby or something. I’m sure there’s a corner where our friends wouldn’t find us too easily and …”

Could it possibly be this easy? Kurt wondered. It could. It was. He set the punch down, untouched. “Your room is great. Let’s go, okay?”

“Okay,” Blaine said, standing up. He led the way to the elevators.

Halfway there, Kurt remembered that he had a boyfriend.

He could still walk away. Or he could go upstairs with Blaine and just talk. That’s what they’d said they were going to do, and he didn’t have to take it any further. He looked at Blaine, striding purposefully toward the elevator half a step ahead of him. Dark curls were beginning to break free from the gel at the nape of his neck, where the sweat from dancing had gathered. The muscular shape of his arms was faintly visible even through the thick fabric of his suit jacket. The curve of his ass was so inviting, Kurt wanted to just reach out and touch it. Kurt’s cock twitched in his pants. He wasn’t going to walk away from this, and he knew it.

He would break up with Adam, that much was certain. Dating him had only been for fun in the first place. A distraction, something to fill the loneliness. Adam was cute and nice and made Kurt feel special, but Kurt couldn’t imagine himself falling in love with him. It was never meant to be long-term. Breaking up would be easy, at least on Kurt’s end, and Kurt was pretty sure Adam felt the same way. He might disappoint Adam, but he wouldn’t break his heart.

It was just a question of timing. They were standing at the elevator doors now, watching the display above the doors count down slowly from ten. Kurt wished he’d had the foresight to break up with Adam before coming home to Lima and seeing Blaine. But he wondered whether he would have even realized how much he wanted Blaine again if he hadn’t seen his reaction to hearing about Adam. He groaned internally, caught in the inability to do the right thing. Was there even a right thing here at all?

He could call Adam right now. Break up with him before anything happened with Blaine. But what would he say? “Hey, sorry to bother you so late at night, but I’m about to go upstairs and fuck my ex-boyfriend, and it was urgent that I break up with you right away so I could feel better about doing that.” That was a dick move if Kurt had ever heard one.

He’d break up with Adam face to face, as one should, Kurt decided. As soon as he got back to New York. There was no polite way to do it before then.

This would make him a cheater. There was no getting around it. He was about to sleep with Blaine while he was still technically Adam’s boyfriend. Deciding to break up was not the same thing as actually breaking up. Kurt glanced at Blaine, standing beside him in front of the elevator. Blaine rocked onto the balls of his feet impatiently, waiting for the doors to open, oblivious to what was going on in Kurt’s mind. The thought of cheating should be horrifying, Kurt thought, but it wasn’t. He didn’t have anything special or sacred with Adam that he was messing up. There was a promise being broken—well, they hadn’t really discussed being exclusive, but it was implied in the word “boyfriend” that they’d used with each other. But the relationship was over, finished in Kurt’s head, and the only problem was that he hadn’t had an opportunity to tell Adam about it yet.

Kurt knew he was rationalizing. But one look at Blaine, stepping into the elevator as the doors slid open, turning around and pressing the button for his floor, holding his hand across the plane of the doors so they wouldn’t close … one look at Blaine was enough to make him certain of what he wanted to do. He stepped onto the elevator and let all his feelings of guilt drop away.

The doors tapped together. If he was going to do this, Kurt thought, he was going to do it all-out and no regrets. He leapt at Blaine, mouth on his immediately, pushing him hard against the wall. Blaine let out a surprised noise, his eyes snapping open, and then moaned into Kurt’s mouth, not resisting in the least. Kurt pulled back to check Blaine’s face, just to make sure he wasn’t misreading Blaine’s reactions.

“Kurt, this isn’t what I … expected,” Blaine said the moment he had air. “I didn’t think … I mean … when I said we would talk, that’s really all I thought we would do, I didn’t plan this, I didn’t.”

“Do you want this?” Kurt asked, simple, straightforward.

“Yes, oh god yes.”

That was all Kurt needed to hear. He kissed him again, hard, smiling at the “mmf” noise Blaine made when their mouths collided and then fucking his tongue into Blaine’s mouth, desperate, crazy with desire for this boy, this boy who used to be his, this boy he still loved like fire burning in his heart.

The bell dinged and the doors slid open, and they broke apart, giggling. Blaine took Kurt’s hand and pulled him down the corridor and then, laughing at his mistake of directions, turned around and pulled him back the other way, past the elevator bank again and down the other corridor. He fumbled with the keycard and when he finally got the door open, they tumbled into the room, shoving each other’s jackets off their shoulders and not caring when their dress clothes landed in a heap on the floor.

Blaine sat on the nearer of the two beds and Kurt climbed into his lap, knees on the bed, trying to unbutton Blaine’s shirt blindly with their mouths locked together. Heat radiated through him and he was desperate for their bodies to be touching, desperate to feel his hands against Blaine’s skin. He tugged at a button and felt the thread pull and loosen, almost detaching it from the shirt. Blaine’s hands were fumbling on Kurt’s vest and he feared for the integrity of his clothing so he broke the kiss and gently pried Blaine’s hands away, setting to work on removing his own vest and shirt. Blaine threw his own shirt on the floor and Kurt didn’t really want to stand up either, so he carefully launched the shirt and vest in the direction of the desk chair, hoping they’d drape nicely over it. But he didn’t have time to see whether they did because Blaine was surging up at him, catching his mouth in another kiss, open and wet and beautifully filthy, throwing Kurt slightly off balance, enough that he had to grab Blaine’s shoulders to keep from falling off the bed.

The contact thrilled through Kurt and he slid his hands down Blaine’s back the slightest bit, reveling in the familiar feel of Blaine’s skin. He’d missed it so much. It was as amazing as he’d remembered, and even more because it had been so long since he felt it last. He moaned, rolling his head back, and Blaine took the opportunity to kiss his throat, his neck, then the slightest hint of teeth against his shoulder and Kurt moaned again, louder, pressing forward to touch as much of his body against Blaine as possible. They toppled down, sideways across the bed, Kurt on top of Blaine and rolling his hips, already hard in his pants, desperate with want as Blaine’s hands played across his back and shoulders.

Kurt found that place on Blaine’s neck that he knew would reduce him to a pile of helpless need. Not that he had far to go, judging by the sounds he was making. Blaine was whimpering, gasping, desperately pressing kisses to any patch of Kurt’s skin his mouth could reach, his cheek, jaw, forehead as Kurt moved against him. Kurt licked at the place on his neck and then began to suck, knowing it would leave a mark, and Blaine moaned wantonly, thrusting his hips up into Kurt.

“Kurt, Kurt, I want you so bad,” Blaine gasped. “I’ll give you anything, anything you want, I’m yours, just take me, use me, anything, you can have anything from me.”

Kurt pulled away from Blaine’s neck and looked at his face. He was wrecked already, his hair matted against his forehead, his eyes dark and dilated, lips flushed the most beautiful shade of red. Kurt forced himself to calm for a moment and touched Blaine’s cheek tenderly. “I just want to make you happy, baby. I just want to see you smile.”

Blaine whimpered. “Need you so bad,” he managed to say.

Kurt sat up and traced a hand down Blaine’s chest, then down his leg to the knee. His legs were bent, feet hanging down off the bed to the floor. Kurt lifted one of his legs gently and pulled off his shoe and sock, then the same to the other leg. “I’m going to take good care of you, baby, okay?”

Blaine nodded and let Kurt lift both of his legs and maneuver him around to lie properly on the bed, head on the pillows now. Kurt moved his hand to the waistband of Blaine’s pants. “I’m going to take these off now, okay?” Blaine nodded again, so Kurt undid the button and zipper, shivering at the knowledge that he’d see Blaine’s gorgeous body in just a moment. Blaine lifted his hips to let Kurt pull his pants and underwear down, and Kurt carefully removed them.

He looked down at Blaine, lying fully naked on top of the comforter, hands fidgeting against the material, his cock flush and hard. He was so open and vulnerable, so ready for anything Kurt offered him or asked of him. Kurt’s mind flashed back to the expression on Blaine’s face when he’d told him about Adam, the heartbreak and the need to escape. He wanted to make up for all of that now, heal Blaine’s heart and be with him again.

Kurt popped open the button on his pants and slid them down quickly, stepping out of his shoes and removing his socks with the pants so he was fully naked. Blaine stared at him standing beside the bed, eyes crazy with desire. “You’re so beautiful, Kurt,” he said. “Even more beautiful than I remembered, god, so gorgeous.”

Kurt smiled and climbed onto the bed, holding himself on hands and knees above Blaine. God, he wanted this so badly. He had missed his sweet, beautiful Blaine so much. He’d stayed away because the pain of being together seemed like it would be more terrible than the pain of being apart, but somehow it had faded to almost nothing while he wasn’t watching. There was a little bit of melancholy, a sadness at the loss of innocence, but it was overwhelmed by his desire. By how much he wanted Blaine. By how much he wanted to see Blaine happy again. Blaine looked up at him, waiting, desperate, unsure, and so unbelievably beautiful that Kurt couldn’t stand it any longer.

He dipped his head down and kissed him on the mouth, and a thrill ran through him again. He wanted this more than he could ever remember wanting anything, so he pressed his body down, bringing his cock flush against Blaine’s, and they both moaned loudly at the contact.

It was too intense to bear, Kurt thought. He was going to die from this, he couldn’t handle everything that was rushing through him all at the same time. The only question was whether his cock or his heart would be the first to explode, they both ached so painful-sweetly. He couldn’t take it, couldn’t control himself at all. He was rutting desperately against Blaine, kissing him over and over until he couldn’t breathe, and he never wanted to stop but he didn’t see how he could possibly go on.

He needed to rest from the exertion, so he rolled them over, open mouths locked together as they moved, pulling Blaine on top of him. Blaine whined a little and pulled up for air, reaching down between them to line their cocks up just right again. With his mouth finally free for a moment, Kurt was the one to say it. “I love you.”

Blaine groaned in response, his eyes rolling back in his head, and Kurt thought Blaine might come right then. But he brought himself back from the edge, somehow, and framed Kurt’s face with his hands. “God, Kurt, I love you, I love you so much.” He looked like he might cry. Kurt felt like he might, too, the emotions were so overwhelming.

“Kiss me some more,” Kurt said. And so Blaine did, saving them both from tears, thrusting his hips against Kurt as he kissed him over and over again—at the corner of his mouth, along the line of his jaw, around the shell of his ear and at the corner of his eye, and down to his mouth again, kisses of sweetness and love and longing.

It felt so right, Kurt thought. It was so much more than just the physical. It had never felt like this with Adam, the few times they’d … but no, Kurt didn’t want to think of that. It hadn’t been bad. In fact, it had been quite nice. Exciting, pleasant, the release that Kurt was looking for. But compared to what he felt when he was with Blaine, it didn’t even seem like the same activity. He’d almost forgotten how it had felt with Blaine, had thought maybe he’d imagined it or was romanticizing the memory of his first love, but no, this was really truly something different. He couldn’t get enough of it.

He could never give this up, Kurt realized all of a sudden. He didn’t want this to be just one night, reliving old memories and catching a moment of happiness before moving on. He wanted to be with Blaine, now and always. He wanted to be Blaine’s boyfriend again.

Blaine pulled away and Kurt’s eyes snapped open immediately. “Where are you going?” Kurt whined, all naked need at the thought of Blaine moving even the tiniest bit away from him. Not now, just when he’d realized that he wanted Blaine to be beside him forever.

Blaine looked back at him and blinked. “I thought … I would use my mouth? I mean, go down on you?”

Kurt shook his head. “No, I need you here. Don’t go away. Please.”

“Okay,” Blaine said, ready to give Kurt exactly what he wanted. He scooted up and went back to kissing Kurt’s neck.

It was selfish of him, Kurt thought. Hadn’t he just a few minutes ago promised to take care of Blaine? And now he was demanding, asking for what _he_ wanted, turning down Blaine’s ideas and making Blaine take care of him. He hadn’t realized he was so desperate. Hadn’t realized how much he’d actually needed this, needed the deep comfort of Blaine’s body blanketing his, Blaine’s face right beside his own, sharing his space, sharing his air. How terrified he’d been the whole time he thought he’d lost Blaine. How much he’d wanted them to be together, physically together, emotionally together. He needed it, right now, just for a few minutes more at least. The next thing, the next time, he’d do what Blaine wanted, he promised himself.

Kurt turned his head to the side and whispered in Blaine’s ear. “I love you so much.”

Blaine’s body spasmed as his orgasm hit with the words, his come spilling all over Kurt’s stomach and up toward his chest. He slumped on top of Kurt, face pressed close in the curve of Kurt’s neck. Kurt wrapped his arms around as tight as he could, so tight he was nearly afraid Blaine wouldn’t be able to breathe, but he felt the hot breaths on his neck, felt the tension of Blaine’s rising and falling ribcage against his arms. He wanted them to be closer, wished it physically possible for them to share the same exact space because nothing else seemed close enough.

Blaine seemed to read his mind, once he came down from his orgasm. He leaned up to look at Kurt’s face. “Could I … would you mind if I go down on you now? I just … I want you inside of me, somehow, and there’s no lube, so …”

Kurt nodded. “Yeah. Yeah. Please. Yes.”

Blaine didn’t waste any time teasing him. He positioned himself between Kurt’s legs and just took his cock straight in his mouth as far as he could, sinking down on it immediately. Kurt let out a filthy string of words that probably didn’t even fit together. It felt amazing. He wasn’t going to last any time at all like this, he realized.

Kurt looked down at Blaine between his legs. He was so beautiful. His long eyelashes seemed nearly to touch his cheeks, and his mouth was stretched wide to take Kurt in, his lips working at the edges against Kurt’s cock. Kurt groaned at the sight. His sweet, precious Blaine, so ready to give him whatever he needed, so perfect. He was so lucky, he thought, and the idea almost made him laugh. He’d never thought of himself as a lucky person, between childhood tragedy and school bullying and almost losing his father and the debacle of his first NYADA application … but he was so lucky to have found this perfect boy, his soulmate, the love of his life. His heart swelled. It was too much to handle.

“God Blaine, it’s so good, you’re so good to me,” Kurt gasped, and then, “Blaine, I’m gonna come, I’m so close …” Blaine tightened his hold on Kurt’s hips but slid his mouth up, holding just the tip of Kurt’s cock in his mouth and sucking hard around it. Kurt came, his hips fighting against Blaine’s hands pinning him to the bed, spilling his come straight across Blaine’s tongue so that he could taste every drop of it.

Kurt felt as if he were floating, or sinking, or something. He wanted to find words for it, to tell Blaine how incredible he’d made him feel, but his brain was no longer doing things like thinking or keeping him awake. He was only feeling. He was vaguely aware of Blaine lying beside him now, close against his body. Vaguely aware of turning toward him and throwing an arm across. Vaguely aware of Blaine’s voice saying “I love you” and “yours” and “thank you” before he fell deeply asleep, emotionally exhausted.

\--------------------------------------------

Kurt woke up an hour later. He opened his eyes and saw Blaine’s face just inches from his own, and smiled sweetly. Blaine had a broad smile in his sleep, clearly happy and peaceful. There were tear streaks down his cheeks, though, a hint of what Kurt had missed when he fell asleep. He felt a pang of guilt that he hadn’t been awake to help Blaine through his feelings. He had to learn to do better, Kurt told himself. Had to learn to listen and pay attention and really _see_ , so he could give Blaine what he needed.

But right now, Blaine was asleep and Kurt was a sticky, disgusting mess, with dried come on his stomach and sweat all over his body. It was uncomfortable, so he carefully extracted himself from Blaine and headed quietly to the shower, trying not to wake him.

He washed himself quickly, just wanting to get clean and go back to bed so he could hold Blaine in his arms again. Out of habit, he wrapped a towel around his waist when he left the bathroom. He opened the door quietly and flipped off the light, then hunted around in the darkness for a second, looking for his jacket so he could get his phone and text his father that he wouldn’t be home tonight. He didn’t expect Blaine to be awake.

“Are you leaving?” Blaine asked.

Kurt startled and dropped his jacket. “No, of course not.”

“You don’t have to stay just because I caught you leaving,” Blaine said.

“I wasn’t leaving, I was just going to text my dad. I don’t want him to worry about where I am.” Kurt bent down and picked up his jacket, pulling the phone out of the pocket. “See?”

“Really?” Blaine asked, still dubious.

“If I were getting dressed, would I really start with my jacket?” Kurt asked.

“Good point,” Blaine said. “You … you were planning to stay?”

“I was going to come right back to bed,” Kurt said. “But now that you’re awake, maybe it would be better if you shower too and we can move over to the clean bed.”

Blaine sat up, still unsure. “You won’t leave while I’m in the shower?”

Kurt’s heart ached for him. He sat down on the bed next to Blaine and kissed him on the cheek. “No, god Blaine, I would never. I’m here now, and I love you. I’m here for whatever you need. I’m not leaving.” Blaine seemed to relax a little bit. “Do you want me to come with you in the shower?” Kurt asked.

Blaine hesitated before he answered. “Would you? I … I’d like that.”

The water was still hot from Kurt’s shower, so he hung his towel on the back of the door and they both stepped in right away. Blaine stood under the showerhead, letting the water run over his body and warm him. Kurt put his arms around Blaine’s neck and kissed him, slow and sweet, enjoying the moment. “Let me take care of you, okay? Since I said I would before, and then I couldn’t, let me take care of you now.”

“Kurt, you don’t have to. It was … I mean … it was great, what we did, I’m just so happy to be with you, the details don’t matter, and anyway the details were great, and I—”

Kurt put a finger to Blaine’s lips, shushing him. “I want to. For you. Please?”

“Okay,” Blaine said, his voice hoarse.

Kurt reached for the shampoo bottle first, then worked his fingers through Blaine’s hair, massaging his scalp and washing out the gel. Blaine closed his eyes, trusting him, waiting patiently for whatever Kurt would do. Kurt was entranced by him, by the contradiction—how Blaine had expected to be hurt, thinking Kurt was leaving, and how he was completely open and trusting now, placing himself in Kurt’s hands. Kurt impulsively leaned in to kiss him, hands still in his hair, and Blaine jumped a little bit, surprised with his eyes closed, and then relaxed into it and hummed happily.

Kurt rinsed the shampoo out of Blaine’s hair carefully, guarding his eyes with one hand and tipping his head back under the water, then rubbed some soap on a washcloth. He started at Blaine’s left shoulder, rubbing gentle circles and then down his arm, the flow of water rinsing the soap away as soon as Kurt put it there. He lifted Blaine’s hand to his lips and sucked his index finger, a hint of what was coming, and Blaine shivered despite the warm water, eyes still closed, silently mouthing Kurt’s name.

He let Blaine’s hand drop from his mouth, then washed his other arm, skimming over Blaine’s strong, toned muscles. He moved the washcloth over his chest, soap suds catching in the hair there, and down over his stomach. “Turn,” Kurt said, and Blaine did, letting Kurt run the washcloth over his back and then, with only the slightest hesitation, over his ass, Kurt’s other hand following along behind to appreciate the curves.

Kurt knelt down behind Blaine, bending to wash the back of his legs. “Turn,” he said again, barely more than a whisper, and Blaine groaned with anticipation as he followed Kurt’s instructions.

Blaine was hard already, stroking himself lightly. Kurt swallowed hard just looking at him, watching the rivulets of water run down his body, down his cock, dripping onto the floor of the shower. On his knees in front of Blaine, Kurt’s heart skipped a beat as memories flooded his mind. How he used to secretly worship this boy, used to hope beyond hope that Blaine would fall in love with him one day. How Blaine had fallen in love with him, finally, to Kurt’s astonishment. How they’d explored their bodies together, and how Kurt had learned to worship him in a whole new way.

Blaine had been the perfect boyfriend, and then the perfect lover, until he was suddenly revealed to be imperfect after all, and broken Kurt’s heart. But even after everything, somehow he was still so perfect, perfect for Kurt, his perfect match, and Kurt was discovering that broken hearts have a way of healing back up again. He leaned forward and pressed the softest kiss to the tip of Blaine’s cock.

Blaine whined desperately and his body rocked forward, already unsure of his balance. Kurt looked up at him. “It’s okay, love, I’ve got you.” He took Blaine’s hand off his cock and held onto his hand. It was an awkward angle, but he wanted the connection. His other hand went to the small of Blaine’s back, helping to support him a little bit. Kurt leaned in again and traced a line on Blaine’s cock with his tongue, following a stream of water in reverse, and Blaine shivered again.

Kurt wanted to tease, wanted to play, but he could tell Blaine wouldn’t be able to take much, not with the way he was reacting to even these slight touches. Still, he wanted to heighten the anticipation if he could, so he licked around the head a little bit, searching for precome but finding it mostly washed away with the water pouring down over their heads.

“Kurt … please …” Blaine gasped. Kurt looked up and found Blaine absolutely desperate, his eyes squeezed shut and his head thrown back to rest against the wall of the shower.

He took Blaine’s cock in his mouth slowly, enjoying the feel of every inch entering him. The sound of Blaine’s desperate gasps and moans above him made his heart feel like it would burst, and yes, this was the feeling he remembered, so intimate, like nothing else in the world. Memories flashed in his head, they wouldn’t leave him alone. The first time he’d taken Blaine in his mouth, awkward and fumbling and embarrassed but wanting so much. The last time, the morning he’d left for New York, how he didn’t want to leave without the taste of Blaine on his lips. The time with Adam, curious at what the differences would be, intrigued by the different shape and size and shade of flesh, a little bit surprised that it tasted the same but felt so completely different. This was the feeling that had been missing, this beautiful connection, this crazy love that was never going to go away. Blaine suddenly squeezed Kurt’s hand tightly, spilling hot into Kurt’s mouth, and Kurt came too without even realizing that he’d been anywhere near.

Blaine collapsed onto the floor of the shower and Kurt threw his arms around him, kissing him sloppy and senseless. The water seemed to wash everything away with it, all the hurt and pain, all the lingering doubt, all the worries and excuses and shouldn’ts. This was _his Blaine_ , and Kurt would never let him go, not ever. He held him close, kissing and whispering “I love you” over and over, until Blaine finally came back to himself.

Kurt gave Blaine the clean towel, and since the one he’d used before was still wet, he dried himself off with a hand towel. They laughed, flirting, playing at how the small towel didn’t cover his body at all, and Blaine grabbed another hand towel and attacked him with it, claiming he’d missed a spot. Before they realized it, they were kissing again in front of the mirror, fun and beautiful and delicious, and somehow they made it out of the bathroom and to the bed and under the sheets without falling over and hurting themselves. And then they were lying in each other’s arms, exhausted but happy in the middle of the night, staring into each other’s eyes. And Blaine’s face was lit up with that smile, the one Kurt had wanted to see, the one that took over his whole face and crinkled the edges of his eyes and made everything sparkle with joy and happiness and the sweetest, most perfect love, and Kurt felt triumphant.

“It worked,” he said. “I made you happy.”

“You always make me happy,” Blaine said.

“But not mixed-with-sadness happy or regretful happy or maybe-someday happy,” Kurt said. “Actually, truly happy all the way down to the core. That’s what I want for you.”

Even as he said it, Blaine’s smile started to falter. “What? What is it?” Kurt asked, alarmed.

“I’m so sorry, Kurt.”

Kurt shook his head. “I told you, I forgave you for that a long time ago. I don’t want you to keep apologizing, it’s done.”

“No, not for that,” Blaine said. “For this. Tonight. For making you a cheater. Because you told me you had a boyfriend and then … this happened. We shouldn’t have. I just wanted you so bad, wanted to be able to pretend that you were my boyfriend again, even just for one night. Even though I know it’s going to hurt so much worse when you go back to your boyfriend. If he’ll even take you back. Or when you start dating someone new. But I can’t ever say no to you, I just … And I’m sorry because now I’ve gone and hurt you again and messed up your relationship, and I never meant for that to happen. I … I’m so sorry.”

Kurt’s vision blurred a little bit, this was so unexpected. He needed a minute to compose himself, to imagine how the whole night must have looked from Blaine’s perspective, before he could answer. “Blaine, honey … first of all, you didn’t _make_ me do anything. I made my own choices, and it’s not your fault or your problem. And second, it’s not … I mean, yes, it’s cheating, but it’s not like _cheating_ cheating. It’s more of … a timing problem, I guess. Because the minute I decided to come upstairs with you, I decided to break up with him. I just … I felt like I should do it in person, not over the phone, so I’ll break up with him as soon as I get back to New York. It wasn’t the nicest thing for me to do to him, but I wanted you so bad, and I made up my mind about him before we … It’s a rationalization, I guess, but it’s true.”

“I still messed up your relationship, though,” Blaine said glumly.

“No, love, you fixed everything,” Kurt said, stroking Blaine’s face with one hand. “Don’t you see? I’m not going back to him. I never thought it would be a long-term thing in the first place, so it doesn’t matter that I’m breaking up with him now instead of whenever. And I’m not looking for someone else. I don’t want anyone else. I’m coming back to you. If you’ll have me. I … I want to be your boyfriend again. I love you, and I miss you, and I want us to be together because this, you and me, this is _right_.”

Blaine’s mouth dropped open and he stared at Kurt dumbly for a few seconds. “Kurt, don’t … don’t play with me like that. It already hurts enough. You know that I don’t deserve you. That you deserve better than me.”

“Fuck that!” Kurt said, and Blaine recoiled a bit at his angry tone and uncharacteristic words. “Screw who deserves what. I don’t care what I _should_ want. I just want to be happy. And you … you’re the only one who makes me happy. So I want you.”

“Kurt, I …”

“Just say yes.”

“Yes. Okay. Yes. God, yes, always yes, Kurt, yes.” There were tears streaming down Blaine’s face, and down Kurt’s face, too.

“Yes. Okay. Good.” Kurt sniffed, trying unsuccessfully to stop crying. “Blaine, just … _tell_ me when something is wrong, okay? When anything is wrong, no matter how small a thing it is, tell me right away. Promise?”

“Okay. I promise,” Blaine said through his tears.

“What do you need from me?” Kurt asked.

Blaine shook his head. “Nothing. Just you. How could I ever ask for more?”

Kurt sighed. “Blaine. What do you need from me? Tell me.”

“I just … I … If you could tell me what you’re thinking, maybe? Whether it’s bad or good. Especially if it’s good, because I always think it’s bad if I don’t know. Just … don’t expect me to read your mind, because I can’t.”

“Yeah, that’s …” Kurt squeezed his eyes shut, but it wasn’t enough to stop the tears flowing, so he opened them again. “That’s good. I can do that.”

“God, Kurt, I’m a mess.”

“We just showered.”

Blaine laughed through his tears. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Oh. Yeah. Well, I’m pretty much a mess, too.” Kurt scooted his body closer within the curve of Blaine’s torso. “Let’s just be messes together, all right?”

“All right.”

“And come visit me in New York. Soon. In two weeks.”

“Why two weeks?”

“Because I don’t think I can go any longer than that without fucking you.”

Blaine laughed. “Okay. Two weeks.”

“Good. I love you.”

“So goddamn much.”


End file.
